Dumela!

This is a typical greeting (meaning hello or good day) in Setswana, the language spoken in Botswana. During a two-week visit to southern Africa in November, it was a salutation recited many times.

The occasion for my visit to Botswana was the wedding of my son Dominic to his bride Lorato, who was born and raised in Gaborone, Botswana. It was a traditional wedding ceremony that spanned three days and incorporated traditions common in Botswana as well as those specific to Lorato’s father’s Sebirwa culture. It was also a celebration that attracted many of Dominic’s family and friends  from the United States.

In addition to Dominic’s parents and siblings, Joe and Samantha, other family members who attended included Joe’s partner, Lynda, Laurie’s sisters Jeanne Peterson, Nancy Braatz (along with husband Jeff and daughters Sarah and Maggie) and Peggy Taubenheim (along with husband Mike). All 12 of us made the direct flight together from Atlanta to Johannesburg, South Africa, where we spent one night before flying to Gaborone. 

Dominic also had friends from his years at St. Lawrence Seminary High School in Mount Calvary, Wis., Notre Dame University and Duke University — as well as friends from his work — attend the wedding.

In preparing us for the ceremony, Dominic and Lorato shared descriptions about the various segments that make up a traditional Botswana wedding. Parts of the ceremony were modified to accommodate guests and family from the United States.

These are parts of the traditional Botswana wedding:

• Patlo (Setswana for “to seek”), a ceremony in which the groom and his family typically come to the household of the bride’s family to ask for her hand in marriage. This tradition includes the groom and his family trying to “find” the household by an uncle calling out asking to be directed to the bride’s household, while women in the bride’s family guide them by ululating, a high-pitched vocal sound practiced in many parts of Africa.

• Bogadi (“an offer,” sometimes called magadi, the plural form of the word), a ceremony of negotiating and giving the wedding dowry. The Bogadi is a long-standing tradition of the groom’s family showing their appreciation to the bride’s family for raising the woman whom the groom will be marrying. 

• Kgomo Ya Sebola, a tradition specific to Lorato’s father’s Sebirwa culture, in which the families share a meal of a cow together once the bride and groom are considered married from a customary standpoint.

• Kgoroso Ya Ngwetsi is an event when the bride is officially welcomed into the groom’s family. During Kgoroso Ya Ngwetsi, the bride is taken by her family to the groom’s homestead and is officially welcomed into the groom’s family. 

• Go Laya (“to give advice”), when married women give advice about marriage to the bride and married men give advice to the groom.

While these traditions are customary in Botswana, Lorato’s family was welcoming and flexible to accommodate our family who were not familiar with them. For example, since the groom’s family did not have a homestead for the Kgoroso Ya Ngwetsi, one of Lorato’s uncles and his wife offered their home to us. They also assisted us in following the ceremony’s etiquette and provided translation during different parts of ceremonies, speeches and songs. 

As we learned, the Bogadi, or wedding dowry, traditionally requires the payment of cows. While one cow was slaughtered for the meal that followed, Dominic paid the rest of the Bogadi in Pula, the currency of Botswana, to Lorato’s parents. Eight payments were made during the Bogadi, each representing one cow.

As is the custom, women wore traditional dresses, skirts, shawls and head wraps during the ceremonies. The groom’s side wore green outfits while the bride’s side wore blue. The groomsmen and bridesmaids also had custom shirts and dresses made that incorporated the bride’s family’s fabric.

The Patlo and Bogadi ceremony began around 5 a.m. After formalizing their marriage legally at the district commissioner, Dominic and Lorato rejoined us for the Kgomo Ya Sebola ceremony to celebrate their marriage with a meal. (See video below.)

That evening, another ceremony featuring the exchange of wedding vows before a Christian pastor took place at a resort called Crocodile Pools. Here we shared a meal, speeches and dancing. On Friday morning, we “hosted” the Kgoroso Ya Ngwetsi and Go Laya ceremonies in “our” homestead in Gaborone to officially welcome Lorato into our family.

While we welcomed a new family member, we also gained a greater understanding and appreciation of traditions in Botswana. The experience opened our eyes to another culture and demonstrated how God can touch and bless the lives of his people in so many ways. It’s up to us to welcome and celebrate them.